Tagged Relationships

My Wedding Anniversary?

Yesterday I felt so sad but had no idea why. Now I know. The ocean. I went to her yesterday. It was largely an accident but somehow I ended up on a beach. The ocean was trying to tell me that my wedding anniversary would have happened the next day; today. She wanted me to think about…

Moving Forward is a Choice

“Moving forward is a choice.” I have read that in many places. Choice. I thought I would wake up one day and not feel sad anymore about losing my marriage. I thought it would be like the child who wakes up four inches taller than a few months previous.  Part of healing is like that…

#Me Too Moments

He grabbed her. They were at the Mcdonald’s playground. She came up to the table. “I have something important to tell you.” “Wait a second until we are done talking.” Miranda continued her animated story.  Three minutes later, “Okay what is it?” “A boy grabbed me on the slide (she pointed at her tiny breast) and ran away!” “Where is he?” I demanded. She looked around.  She pointed to an empty table. “He’s gone.”  “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” I asked “You told me to wait.” She was right. “Interrupt next time, please interrupt.  This was a different important.…

Will you Please Shut your Mouth and Listen?

Dear Humans, If there was one thing I could currently make a person stop doing, it would be to stop comparing someone else’s journey to their own. “Well, I know how she feels because I went through this too,” or “I know what it is like and I had it worse!” As if their experience makes them the authority. The truth is we don’t know how people feel. We are not them. If I compare my experience to yours so definitively, I have absolutely robbed you of your right to your own experience. The comparison trap is a terrible place…

I saw my Ex-Husband

I saw him yesterday. It has been six months. Fernando, the ex. I was speaking to a good friend about what the experience of seeing him might be like. She offered maybe I would think to myself, “I am so glad this didn’t work out.”  That wasn’t exactly what happened. I could feel him walking up to me from about thirty feet away. He always did have a particular kind of smile. In fact, he has one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. We didn’t touch but his warmth beside me as we walked was familiar. Tears…

Hurt People Hurt People

I wish there was somewhere you could go that would make you want to thrive. There was a quote I read once, “There is a world within us all.” That world was created when you were a child. There were many factors that grew your inner-world.  Your parents, your friends, your school, your teachers, your trauma, your genetic make-up. Some inner-worlds are seas of defense mechanisms.  Those defense mechanisms cause havoc. It takes so much strength to see yourself clearly. It takes so much especially if you were formed by toxic moments.  Maybe you had the best childhood but a…

Divorce Thinkings

It’s a word I play around with. I used to hear the word out loud and it felt like I was cursing. The word “divorce” feels heavier to me than the word death. Divorce. I went through a stage where every person I met I would say, “Hi, I’m divorced.” It was my identity for a while. Being a wife was the identity I clung to before so it makes sense to me that I would then incorporate this new identity. “Hi, I’m divorced.” I gained twenty pounds from my divorce. I drank wine for a few months and I…

Invite me to the wedding?

Dear Dear One, The smell of grass. It doesn’t remind me of you anymore. I noticed yesterday. The wind blew. Newly cut grass thrown in the breeze. I caught it. It struck me later in such a way that left me sad. The image of a man came to me. He stood under a fiery sun. He wore a straw hat. His skin was brown. His eyes bled with salt; it poured sweat. “Wanna go for a ride?” He had the warmest hand. His smile whisked worries away. His agility moved with unceasing grace. He climbed trees. Once upon a…