Tagged change

He Died…

Dear ones, We often color a person as all good or all bad when they die. To grieve well, we must see the lost person in all of their complexities. We must express every wish, all the conversations that were never had. At least that is what a book I read said… My brother is…

The Spiders Aren’t Here Anymore

I was in the shower. It was moving. Well, I thought it was moving. It was just a black speck on the shower curtain. The thing about your life story is its never just your story. I sincerely hate that part. The other players in the story may not want anyone else to know but…

The Butterfly Wing

We stopped at Lowe’s to get some flower pots. “Look, a butterfly!” It was fluttering on the ground in the middle of the parking lot. “It has a broken wing.” We lingered for a moment. I could feel the we need to do something feeling rise up in my chest. My mom felt it too,…

Moving Forward is a Choice

“Moving forward is a choice.” I have read that in many places. Choice. I thought I would wake up one day and not feel sad anymore about losing my marriage. I thought it would be like the child who wakes up four inches taller than a few months previous.  Part of healing is like that…

I saw my Ex-Husband

I saw him yesterday. It has been six months. Fernando, the ex. I was speaking to a good friend about what the experience of seeing him might be like. She offered maybe I would think to myself, “I am so glad this didn’t work out.”  That wasn’t exactly what happened. I could feel him walking up to me from about thirty feet away. He always did have a particular kind of smile. In fact, he has one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. We didn’t touch but his warmth beside me as we walked was familiar. Tears…

Hurt People Hurt People

I wish there was somewhere you could go that would make you want to thrive. There was a quote I read once, “There is a world within us all.” That world was created when you were a child. There were many factors that grew your inner-world.  Your parents, your friends, your school, your teachers, your trauma, your genetic make-up. Some inner-worlds are seas of defense mechanisms.  Those defense mechanisms cause havoc. It takes so much strength to see yourself clearly. It takes so much especially if you were formed by toxic moments.  Maybe you had the best childhood but a…