Just Exactly Dead

I wish my point of view didn’t exist. Don’t want to be human, don’t want to sweat the small stuff, but when I do, I know an inner-explosion is about to occur. That being fed up thing. I used to point fingers forward, I trace all fingers back to me. I listened to the heartbeat…

I’m Moving Again

“Let your heart be silently drawn to the pull of what you really love.” I love that quote. I went on a whim to work at a camp this summer. Its in Maine. I have been up here for nearly nine weeks. A lot of seemingly small surprises found me here: I got to know so…

Some Get Love

There was a boy who told me his story. He comes from that life we all hear about. His mom is sick, he wants to help, he wants to pursue himself. He doesn’t know which road to take. He asked me what the point in living is if he can’t chase his dreams. I had…

NYC Lady Bug

  A lady bug flew into my room. It was 2017 in NYC.  It was September. I had that broken heart and the lady bug didn’t belong there. The noises were loud. The smell of cement and rain filled the air. She was there though. She sat on my finger. She gave me hope. It…

The Spiders Aren’t Here Anymore

I was in the shower. It was moving. Well, I thought it was moving. It was just a black speck on the shower curtain. The thing about your life story is its never just your story. I sincerely hate that part. The other players in the story may not want anyone else to know but…

Nose Cutters

One of my favorite things to do is watch people. I know how creepy that sounds but I am definitely not the only one. I like to listen, to watch, to learn. Right now I listen to the sounds of teenagers who talk about the face lifts they will get in a few years, the…

My Wedding Anniversary?

Yesterday I felt so sad but had no idea why. Now I know. The ocean. I went to her yesterday. It was largely an accident but somehow I ended up on a beach. The ocean was trying to tell me that my wedding anniversary would have happened the next day; today. She wanted me to think about…

He Asked me out Again…

I see him. My chest hurts. Danger, body says danger. He smiles. He says my name. He asks for my number again. He does have guts I stick to my guns. I type on my computer. I barely look up as I tell him no. Its not that I’m interested. Its not that I’m not. Not sure if it is my gut. Not positive its not a false alarm. So I type. I continue to type. I type them all away. No, okay?  

Running Again

I started running again. My legs have been injured for nearly a year. I can neither turn them in nor out. They can stay parallel pain free. If I cannot dance like dance dance (umm I dance), I will run. I can no longer wait for them to heal. My body must move. I normally…

DNA Testing

“Don’t do it, it takes your DNA. Who knows what they do with it. It could be used for eugenic’s research,” she said as we walked towards Target. “Yeah but I don’t know who my biological mom is and thats the only way I can possibly find her.” It came in the mail yesterday. The tube that you spit in so the lab people can send me back information on my ancestors. A recent joke I used was, “I can’t date a white man until I know for sure we aren’t related.” There are men out there who have donated…