From Stories

Hurt People Hurt People

I wish there was somewhere you could go that would make you want to thrive. There was a quote I read once, “There is a world within us all.” That world was created when you were a child. There were many factors that grew your inner-world.  Your parents, your friends, your school, your teachers, your trauma, your genetic make-up. Some inner-worlds are seas of defense mechanisms.  Those defense mechanisms cause havoc. It takes so much strength to see yourself clearly. It takes so much especially if you were formed by toxic moments.  Maybe you had the best childhood but a…

Dating, I think no.

“It’s been long enough, isn’t it time? How long is enough time? You will miss him when he comes. You can’t put time lines on things like this.” “Oh I can and I must.” “And God your list, who can live up to that?” “I won’t settle again. I can bend my list but most of it is non-negotiable.” “Even the homozygous versus heterozygous blue eye color crap?” “Wouldn’t it make a great first date? I sure could speed date him into the ground.” “You aren’t supposed to put any date into the ground.” “I told you I wasn’t ready.”…

Full of Nothing

I like to think about how what we feed ourselves matters. Have you ever eaten so much junk food and still found that you were starving? You are so full that you really can’t eat any more.  The stomach still churns. The body is still fatigued. There is no strength. The junk is in the way. You are full of nothing. I think about that. I think about that with what I watch, what I listen too, who I hang out with or at least I used too. I am waking up again. The fog is leaving. A year in…

True isn’t Truth.

People are a reflection of ourselves.  Suspend judgment.  Sit.  Watch,  Pay attention.  I feel projection come.  I look at her and think wretched things.”  A whole list.  I sit back.  I suspend judgment.  As I sit the “aha” moment happens. “Oh,  I am not upset by you.  You are not the cause of any issue.  I am.  I am.  I am not living in truth.  I have given up on me once again.  I want to come back to myself.  It is not you.  It was never you.  Not you.  It was me.  It is me.  The great projection. The…

Shoes too big Shoes too small…

I am capable of all things.  My superior moral complex kicks in.  I tell it to sit down.  I know I need to let people in.  I need to feel them again instead of self-protecting.  I want to put myself in his shoes.  I’d like to put myself in hers.  I used to do that.  I walked around wearing shoes too big and shoes too small. Shoes too big and shoes too small, I wear them with blisters and all. I am capable of all things. I always used to say,  “I am capable of infidelity so I protect my…

Sex GUARD!

Sex, it is the drug.  Self-control wants to sleep.  I certainly hope I am not the only one who finds it strange that its casual to jump into bed with a person but don’t expect a relationship!  Jump into bed but don’t expect anything from me.  We can share bodies and intimate moments but no expectations.  I am not ready for a relationship.  I think it is weird.  Your body is your home.  It is your house.  It is where you live for all of your days.  You have preferences over who should come into your living space.  There are…

Slash My Wrists; Wisdom

I escaped.  No, I unraveled. No, I am undone. They say re-create your world. Who are these “theys” and where did they get their credentials for such wisdom? An indescribable painting filled with black.  The colors combined.  Black.  Its all black.  Erase what was to re-program the mind to become what it was made to be.  Black is elegant, it is the great mystery.  Black reveals the vastness of what is right in this world.  Black is beautiful. Brightness is inside the body.  It carries through an array of vocal cords.  The human hum. The place of love is on…

ValenTIME?

I have sad friends today.  I have happy friends.  Valentine’s day.  I have friends who have spent their twenties wishing they were married.  I have lonely friends looking for love.  They know what I will say. As Bob Marley sings, “Don’t worry about a thing cause every little things gonna be all right…” Love with the wrong good man or woman is an invisible prison where two people fight to become one.  The key that doesn’t fit.  The shoes that are too big.  The souls that cannot join.  The entanglement of two spirits that simultaneously move towards and pull away. …

Katie and the Tinder Dating Monologue!

If I could give wisdom to any young woman now it would be you need good friends.  I married before I knew what love was.  I had boyfriend after boyfriend without having strong friendships. I was married for a year before God gave me Katie.  I will never forget our meeting.  She was sitting on a couch.  She looked like she had been through a war. In her own way, she had. She looked at me, “Erica.” She said.  Erica was one of my best friends and old roommates.  I didn’t know who this woman was but if she knew…

I Want to Create a World.

She watered her plants.  Fifty-two.  What had been her life but boredom? Her husband. “It’s all in your head,” he would say.  He laughed when she cried.  He said stop when she said go.  A tug of war bred in a moment of chemistry.  He saved the day.  Real life isn’t like that.  She was young.  Her mom told her to marry him.  Her mom told him to marry her.  Two hearts joined in unholy matrimony by her.  If they could see the whirlwind their lives went on would they have changed it?  Fifty-two.  Denial.  To admit the truth would…