From My Daily

Moving Forward is a Choice

“Moving forward is a choice.” I have read that in many places. Choice. I thought I would wake up one day and not feel sad anymore about losing my marriage. I thought it would be like the child who wakes up four inches taller than a few months previous.  Part of healing is like that…

#Me Too Moments

He grabbed her. They were at the Mcdonald’s playground. She came up to the table. “I have something important to tell you.” “Wait a second until we are done talking.” Miranda continued her animated story.  Three minutes later, “Okay what is it?” “A boy grabbed me on the slide (she pointed at her tiny breast) and ran away!” “Where is he?” I demanded. She looked around.  She pointed to an empty table. “He’s gone.”  “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” I asked “You told me to wait.” She was right. “Interrupt next time, please interrupt.  This was a different important.…

Will you Please Shut your Mouth and Listen?

Dear Humans, If there was one thing I could currently make a person stop doing, it would be to stop comparing someone else’s journey to their own. “Well, I know how she feels because I went through this too,” or “I know what it is like and I had it worse!” As if their experience makes them the authority. The truth is we don’t know how people feel. We are not them. If I compare my experience to yours so definitively, I have absolutely robbed you of your right to your own experience. The comparison trap is a terrible place…

Hurt People Hurt People

I wish there was somewhere you could go that would make you want to thrive. There was a quote I read once, “There is a world within us all.” That world was created when you were a child. There were many factors that grew your inner-world.  Your parents, your friends, your school, your teachers, your trauma, your genetic make-up. Some inner-worlds are seas of defense mechanisms.  Those defense mechanisms cause havoc. It takes so much strength to see yourself clearly. It takes so much especially if you were formed by toxic moments.  Maybe you had the best childhood but a…

SIGNS

I went to NYC for a few days. I had a free plane ticket. I had free classes and I had a wonderful friend let me stay at her place. People look for signs. The only sign you see is the one you want and that sign is largely shaped by your own mental process. If you see someone that you desire romantically, you look for the signs. If you want to become a doctor, you will see the signs that suggest you should indeed become one. If you want someone to be terrible, you will see the signs. My…

Divorce Thinkings

It’s a word I play around with. I used to hear the word out loud and it felt like I was cursing. The word “divorce” feels heavier to me than the word death. Divorce. I went through a stage where every person I met I would say, “Hi, I’m divorced.” It was my identity for a while. Being a wife was the identity I clung to before so it makes sense to me that I would then incorporate this new identity. “Hi, I’m divorced.” I gained twenty pounds from my divorce. I drank wine for a few months and I…

Cars are the Necessary Evil

Cars are one of those necessary evils! If only cars drove perfectly all the time! I used to change my own oil but I had a minivan then! That was also eight years or so ago! I could go right under the van. I have also forgotten how to do it. Regardless, there is no way I am going under a jacked-up car! NO WAY! I don’t like sitting here for FIVE HOURS while they look at it. In fact, I hate it. I hate it so much I’m going to need someone to teach me how to do my…

Passion

I know it sounds crazy but a lot of the things I do are for these hypothetical children I may never have. I want them to have a happy mom. I want them to have a healed mom. I want them to have a mother who knows how to take care of herself, who knows her identity, who knows how to give herself away because she has given herself the opportunity to blossom. I had pressing desires in my mind that I could never get rid of.  One desire was to go back to New York City.  I wanted to…

Dear Grace

My constant thoughts flow with nothing more than a stream of questions. It is strange to be woman. It is stranger still to be a single woman with thirty on the horizon. I look at children and wonder if I will have any.  I look at men and think, “Who are you really?” Questions loom. I am over-whelmed until the advocate comes once more. “Grace every piece of life is a gift. We are all given different gifts. Don’t waste this time on what may never be. You could die tomorrow. It could all be over. What did you cultivate…

Sunday Night Summer Reflections

He said, “Part of the grace on your life is who you were not born as. No matter how bad it is, it could always be worse.” I watch people. I examine myself. How often does that haughtiness come out? You know the one. The one where you think to yourself, “I’d never do that.” Pride. I’ve seen many fall from the hands of pride including myself. I am capable of all things. I could have been him or her had I been born into their world. I’ll never know. You won’t either. I was at work Sunday night. I…