“Moving forward is a choice.” I have read that in many places. Choice. I thought I would wake up one day and not feel sad anymore about losing my marriage. I thought it would be like the child who wakes up four inches taller than a few months previous. Part of healing is like that but then part of it is in the choice.
I could have gone back to my old life. I was met with welcome arms but those arms were filled with a lot of lies. I lost someone that I loved. I lost my old routines. I lost my home. I lost financial stability.
I gained more than just sixteen pounds from the past two years. I gained a deep connection with my nieces. I have spent more time with my mom in the past year than I have in years. I get to see my childhood best friend nearly every day as well as her son who is now part of my family. I love my crazy server job at the moment and all of the wonderful dysfunction that happens within the restaurant community.
Part of healing is a choice. I woke up a few weeks ago. It was like waking up from a deep slumber. The sun shined in my window as it always had but I felt happy to be awake. Joy I have had but a moment of happiness to be alive? I had made a choice. It is over. This is finished. The start of this divorce began two years ago. It is time to move on. Moving on doesn’t mean I never cared. If I have too, I can take any baggage left with me. There will be places to let it go and give it away. Its okay if it takes time.
But it is definitely time.